Tommy Cooper

[Fishing_Idiot]

These are old jokes from an English comic named Tommy Cooper, they are like the Rodney Dangerfield stuff. Most of this stuff is at least 45 years old. (Modified for US) Bloke=Guy etc.
Two blondes walk into a building.........you'd think at least one of them would have seen it.
A man walks into a bar and yells “OUCH” (It was an iron bar)

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A guy walks into the psychiatrist wearing only Plastic wrap for shorts. The shrink says, "Well, I can clearly see you're nuts."


I went to buy some camouflage Pant’s the other day but I couldn't find any.


A man came round in hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!" The doctor replied, "I know you can't you idiot, I've cut your arms off".


Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly. They lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.


A man takes his Rotteweiller to the vet. "My dog is cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?" "Well," said the vet, "let's have a look at him" So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then he checks his teeth. Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down." "What? because he's cross-eyed?" "No, because he's really heavy"


What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.


Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. There are 5 people in my family, so it must be one of them. It's either my Mum or my Dad, or my older brother Colin, or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu? But I think, its Colin.


Two fat guys in a bar, one says to the other "Your round." The other one says "So are you, you fat bastard!"


You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen. It said, “Parking Fine” now wasn’t that was nice.


A man walked into the doctors, he said, "I've hurt my arm in several places" The doctor said, "Well don't go to those places anymore"
A blond is at the doctors and is showing the doc with her index finger, that no matter where she pokes it hurts bad, what is wrong with me? The doc says “you have a broken finger”


Ireland's worst air disaster occurred early this morning when a small two-seater Cessna plane crashed into a cemetery. Irish search and rescue workers have recovered 182 bodies so far and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night.